Head For Threads - by Megan Byrne

The new supermarket near our house has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and witness the scent of fresh hay.
When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

The veggie department features the smell of fresh buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there any more.!!!

Reading him his Miranda Rights, a female police officer arrested a manfor drunk driving. The female officer tells the man, "Sir, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you." The drunk replies, "Boobs."

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, were married for 52 years.

Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots.

So, seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walks in proudly and asks his wife: “Notice anything different about me?”

Margaret looks him over. “Nope.”

Frustrated Bert storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for the boots.

Again, he asks, a little louder this time, “Notice anything different NOW??????”

Margaret looks up and says, “Bert , what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow.”

Furious, Bert yells, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, MARGARET??????”
“Nope” she replies.

“IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!!”

To which Margaret replies... “Shoulda bought a hat, Bert. Shoulda bought a damn hat!!!!!”